I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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