I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Success! We fucked roommates!
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