I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
