Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
