I don't usually arrange sex via text message
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
