and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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