my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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