Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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