question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize