So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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