You made me cry and you don't even care
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
