He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
