I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
