Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
