HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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