shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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