NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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