He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
