I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
