Plan B is the new Plan A
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize