i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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