I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
