no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize