Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
