I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
