margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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