Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
