you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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