Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
