how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
