Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
