So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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