I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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