i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
