hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
