man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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