Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
