Having a random hookup so left but love u
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
