wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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