I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
and she was petting her beer can
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
