So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
