it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
