The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
