What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
