I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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