saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize