I'm going to rape someone's good day.
farters have to be the big spoon...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
