I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
