Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
