So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
