WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
