fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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