If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
