I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
