Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
