The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
