I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
