I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
