I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
