i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
