like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
