while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
