i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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