That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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