never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
