I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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