normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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