Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
