he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
