She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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