Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize