i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
