My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
