Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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